Our Story- Baby Loss Awareness Week

This week from the 9-15th October is baby loss awareness week. Baby loss is something which we do not speak about a lot in the UK.  It seems all most like it is a taboo subject. However baby loss is something which affects 1 in 4 people in the UK. Whether this be miscarriage, infant loss or stillbirth. At least one person who you know will have been effected by baby loss.

Today I am going to share with your our story and why player 4 is actually our rainbow baby. Rainbow baby is a term used to describe a baby who was born after a miscarriage, stillborn or neonatal death. Back in June 2018 we suffered a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. This is something which came as a shock to us. We still have no answer to as why this actually occurred. It is rare that you get an answer to why a miscarriage occurred. Luckily we have managed to have a rainbow baby. Hopefully the angel baby is looking after our rainbow until we get them in our arms in January.

Shortly after I handed my dissertation in that we found out that we were expecting a baby. It was a surprise we did not plan on falling pregnant. We were going to be moving house in the summer or we had hoped to. It may have not been the best circumstances however, we was looking forward to seeing what happened and potential becoming a family of 4.

We had decided not to tell people about the baby until at we had the scan at 12 weeks. For some reason I have always been scared that something is going to happen which will result in baby loss. Maybe it is due to 1 in 4 women suffering with this. Anyway I had started to become sick and feeling really rubbish with a pain in my almost hip area. It was getting worse and I was unable to sleep properly. I phoned the early pregnancy unit to inform them and get some advice on what to do.

This is when we were told to come in tomorrow because I was actually in York at the time. It would have been an hour drive back to Hull late at night. When we arrived at the hospital we were sent for a scan this is something which annoyed me a little bit. We were sent to the waiting room for the scan with people who were clearly pregnant. I get this is something which can not be helped but it almost felt insensitive. Lucky we were not waiting for long.

During the time between ringing the early pregnancy unit the night before I had started to experience some bleeding. This started to worry me because the doubt kicked in was something wrong with me or the baby?. During the scan I had to have an internal scan and this is when it was confirmed that the baby had passed away.  I should have been 11 weeks at this stage and the baby was only measuring 9 weeks. There also was no longer a heartbeat. I had suffered what is called a missed miscarriage. A missed miscarriage is one where the baby has died or not developed, but has not been physically miscarried.

We were then taken to a room where I had to have my bloods taken. I am unsure why this was maybe it is to check that I was not anaemic like I had been with Jess. Then we spoke about what the options where which were available to us at this time in order to completely miscarry.

I was given 3 options.  One was to have surgery this would have removed the tissue, however, like any surgery they would have been a recovery time. The thought of surgery is one which scares me because I think you are put under for this unlike when you have a c-section.  Another option was the wait and see approach, but because the baby had been passed away for a couple of weeks this is not one which we wanted. This was not guaranteed to work either.  The final option was the medical management. I was told that they would put some tablets in my mouth and I would have to wait 6 hours in the hospital to see if I passed the baby.

This happened on the Friday and we were booked in on the Tuesday for the next stage if you want to call it that. I remember having to be at the hospital for 9am I knew there was a change that I was going to be there all day. Lucky I had Joe there to keep me some company. I remember having to have the tablets which taste awful and you have to have them dissolve in your mouth. There was a lot of waiting around for the baby to pass which I found really hard. I was told that I could leave the ward or the special room which I had been in as long as I did not leave the hospital grounds.

By mid-afternoon I had been informed that I had passed half of the baby. This is not something which I wanted to hear I wanted this ordeal with baby loss to be over. Something which I will never forget during this process is actually finding out my dissertation grade while in the hospital. I was informed that once they had confirmed I had passed half as I was feeling ok I could leave the hospital.

I was informed that I should pass the rest of the baby in the next couple of days it could take up to a week. Luckily I had the support of Joe during this period. I remember it took till the Saturday to pass the rest of the baby. It happened after we had been viewing more houses to be honest I was in no fit state to actually do this.

We will never forget our angel baby for sure we will be burning a candle as part of wave of light which is October 15th at 7pm. This is to remember all the babies who were too precious for earth.

Remembering all the angel babies out there

Charlotte xx


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