The last few months I have been super quiet on my blog I know this. I thought it would improve when Jess went back to school. After all, I would not be juggling as much because I wouldn’t be having to home school. I will admit that is something which I do not miss being a parent and trying to teach her as well. If Jess didn’t want to do the work it would end up with tantrums. For sure she seems a lot happier been back in a school setting learning. I know I am lucky in this respect because so many people struggle with their children and the education system.
Just before homeschooling ended we sadly experienced a couple of sudden losses. To a family member and of course to Tracker our rabbit. This all knocked us for sure I had a period of a couple of weeks solo parenting as well thrown in March as well. Not only was I trying to adapt to having Jess back at school and the routines which come with this I was doing it all by myself. Sometimes I come across as a strong woman who doesn’t need any help I can do it all. This is sadly when I end up nearly burning myself out which has happened on a couple of occasions. After only a few weeks of having the routine or trying to the Easter holidays hit.
Easter saw us do a lot of work in the garden trying to get it ready for the summer. There is going to be a blog post coming up all about it. Now we can have people over in the garden we are benefiting from putting a bit of work in over Easter. For sure there is still a few bits to do. One I know is going to be done soon. I need to do things such as strim the borders and plant some planters to replace some greener. The garden is never going to be perfect green grass because we have rabbits and of course children who love playing on it as well. However, I am a lot happier with it now than I was before some of the work happened. I feel like it is safer and more private which I think. This does make me want to spend a lot more time in the garden as well. This is another reason why I have not been online a lot too.
After Easter saw me going back to solo parenting. I must admit these couple of weeks have been super hard for me. I don’t know exactly why. Well, I didn’t until I listed just a few of the things so I have Troy teething which is never fun at all. This has seen him coming into my bed to sleep some nights. I have found nights when I co-sleep with him I never get a good night’s sleep. This is something which Troy now likes to nap on me again he might manage 45 mins to an hour in his own bed during the day. The rest of the naps have to be on me. Which of course is super hard. This does mean that I am usually trying to do things one-handed. Sadly he will not naps in his sling or carrier anymore if only he could this might mean I get so much more done.
I also feel at the moment like I am not good enough. My house is never clean enough because I don’t have the time to do it. I do one job then the kids create 3 while I am doing that one. I feel guilty for not spending enough time with them on a weekend I don’t want to be doing housework or work. One of the worst rooms in my house at the moment is the dining room. This is because the kids like to pull out a lot of the lego and leave it all over the floor. Plus, on top of this Jess is constantly bring models home which she has made a school. It doesn’t help they look like recycling which of course is not helping. Secretly, I wish I could get rid of it but I know I will this will end in more tantrums.
Recently Marshall has been trying to escape his run which means I have spent hours catching him and rebuilding the run. Oh, how I can’t wait for his new run to arrive very soon. He will not be able to get out of the new one which is great. This means that he will not be making me worry that he is going to get out and hurt.
I haven’t wanted to make meals as you may have seen because of the lack of meal plan posts. I have been making things such as salads with grilled chicken. Things on toast because by the end of the day I feel so drained. I know this could be due to not staying hydrated enough this is something that I really need to work on. Meal planning is something that I really want to get back into and start doing because of course, it helps me stay on track. Plus it does help me waste less food
Working out is something which I used to do 3-5 times a week in the last 3 weeks I think I have done 3 sessions. Part of the reason for this is because we had mice in the garage. If anyone knows me I have a huge fear more than a phobia of them. A couple of people have been in now and can’t find any new droppings or mice. So fingers crossed they have left.
I think I need to up the water intake and try and work out more again. I may even try and work out during the afternoon instead of the evening for a little while. Something needs to change because I can’t stay in this slump forever. Don’t worry I know life will get better and I only have a couple more weeks till I am no longer solo parenting too.
The point of this post is to say it’s ok to admit you are struggling. Things may look all rosey on Instagram or social media. However, the person behind the camera might be struggling. Currently, I am no longer sharing images of the kids on my Instagram this is something which I have chosen to do for personal reasons. They may come back however, this is the reason why I have not been posting as much over in there recently too. I just don’t know what to post really feel like I have lost my mojo.
Thank you for listening to my ramble